Pretty Gamer

Observations on Zombie Lane: the Farmville of Google+

Zombie Lane is the latest kill-time obsession for my friends and I on G+. I started playing at the suggestion of a friend at our weekly game night, and it quickly overcame Team Fortress 2 as my “go to” for semi-mindless entertainment. Soon a small group of us were playing regularly, and thanks to the genius of a Games Notification only stream, our shameful addictions were mostly hidden from view. After a few weeks, here are some of my general observations:

Wow. Your spouse is full of shit. So, part of the game is getting you to complete missions, and the first big one is getting your spouse home. Lemme get this straight: it’s the zombie apocalypse, and it’s made clear through the tone of the messages (via walkie-talkie) that your spouse is missing not because they’re on a crucial mission for food and ammo, but that they’re lackadaisically off on some minor errand and constantly haranguing you about chores to complete before they arrive. When one of the missions from my spouse popped up telling me they didn’t like the color of the house and asking if I paint it before they get back, I looked at my boyfriend and said, “How about I paint it red with their blood?”.
Pay to play only if you don’t have friends to give you stuff. Our new goal is to play Zombie Lane as long as possible without paying real world dollars for stuff. The day the game gets too boring or annoying without spending cash is the day it’s all over.
Sure, Digital Chocolate (which sounds like a 70s band name) describes your partner as “spouse”, but really they mean wife. And that shit is HELLA annoying. One of my friends pointed out that it was BS to even assume you’d be married - why not just roommates?
I can’t believe it took me forever to realize that you could sell all of the fence posts you weren’t actively using. And, strangely enough, having a good fence strategy is pretty key. Hire your friends to upkeep that crap. Don’t waste your precious energy doing so unless absolutely necessary. Need tips? Visit your neighbors and see what they’re doing.
The constant pop-ups can be silly to the point of absurdity. Yes, I know I’m out of energy. Why do I need TWO pop-ups to explain it?
Farming is the key to insane money hoarding. Who knew that I would plan my day around when fake crops were ready to harvest for nearly worthless gold coins? Apparently - it’s all about the cabbage.